1. |
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Come on in
Ignore the mess
The cleaner's gone on strike
If you're hungry
For happiness
I'm baking joy
Tonight
Well you're lucky
You weren't here
Yesterday
The soup
Was the
Saddest stock
And the burbon was
Nightmare Fuel...
I don't really wanna
Talk bout it...
The day before
Was the blandest bore
Boiled to
The bone
There's always chance
Happenstance
Where our cusine roams
Happy or Horriffic
Welcome to the Cafe
Way-Ward-Iffick
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2. |
Earth Calling Bryn
02:17
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When I write
a song
About how
you keep
Everything
What I mean
is
You find
the magic
The possibilities
You see
the hope
Of what might
be
Earth Calling Bryn
Earth Calling Bryn
When you're
busy puzzling
And your beard
Becomes a shirt
And you so
Obsessed
You don't notice
The dirt
Quietly
I'm impressed
Though you might
See my growl
I appreciate
The equations
You unravel
Earth
Calling
Bryn
It's time
To login
Yes
It's Earth
Calling
Bryn
It's time
To logoff
To login
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3. |
Apocalyptic Lullaby
02:03
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Ticky tocky goes the clocky
Almost Doom Time
Pilly poppy sleepy knocky
Tippy toe Sublime
Wishy washy sabatoshi
Apathetic nishy noshy
Rabidly Pishy Poshy
Ticky tick time bomb
Ho my baby
It’s gonna be fine
Ho my baby
It’s gonna be just fine
Echo Prosecco gecko
Multi fault lines
Numbdie Dumbdie
Sumbdie Fumbdie
Blissy Pissy Blind
Truthy Boothy floofy snoofie
Simon Says Sit Aloofy
Poopy scoopy Doodie Duty
Ticky tick time bomb
Ho my baby
It’s gonna be fine
Ho my baby
It’s gonna be just fine
Ho my baby
It’s gonna be fine
ticky ticky
time bomb
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4. |
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It’s time to write a funny love song
on this Hallmark holiday
Cause recently
All I’ve spun
Are anxious doldrums
And I love you more than veggie chilli
I love you more than cheese
And I love you more than the relief I feel
After a sneeze
To prove my love
I’ve decided to
get a tattoo of your face
On a place
only your eyes
Are welcome to embrace
Cause I love you more than apple pie
I love you more than milk
I love you more than the song I wrote
They categorized as filk
Do I really love you more than this quote
That turned into the creepy bridge
Of this joyous love note
Yes I do!
Yes I dooo!
Even though
the initial chemicals
Evaporated years ago
Yes I do!
Yes I dooo!
Even though
I was never the tidier one
In a relationship
Before you
Still..
I love you more my favourite socks
I love you more than fries
I love you more
Than our tv show
Starring that hunka hunka guy
And I love you more
Than this here song
I love you more than breath
But if you cack first
I’m gonna get rid
Of your stuff upon your death
So don’t you dare cack first
Or I’m purging your stuff upon your death
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5. |
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To survive
You’ve got to smile
With your perfect teeth
Your magazines
Your make believe
You’ve got to pretend
You love your life
That you shine so bright
But are you alright?
Cause I’ve seen you
Roughin’ around
With a broken bottle left hook
And this banshee eyed wild look
Yes I’ve seen you
Queen of the Blackout Ball
With Your ring finger bare
Acting like a dare
In the morning
You wear your smile
Kiss your child
But do you remember
what happened?
Cause I've seen you
Hanging with your Hungry Ghosts
Playing loser take all
With that knife to your throat
Yes I've seen you
And would you believe
You're reminding me of someone
I could've been...
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6. |
New Romance
01:25
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A spar
A spark
A sparkle in the dark
A breath
To breathe
A gently forming breeze
The lightest touch
The softest glance
Oh damn
Looks like a new romance
The text
The meet
Casually upbeat
The fraught
Goodbye
Yearning inside
The tightrope dance
Another chance
Oh boy
Looks like a new romance
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7. |
Snake Oil
02:18
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So you wanna magic pill
Make it all go away
No troubles or regrets
Life’s one happy accident
To be the coolest of the cool
That nothing will faze
Well I got this new potion
And it’s on sale today
And you won’t
Feel a thing
It will make everything sound better
Cause you’re usually nasally flat when ya sing
No you won’t
Be off key
Unless on purpose
Naturally
What’s in it
You may ask
It’s 100% natural
mushrooms
acorns
don’t forget the daffodils
squirrels teeth
diamond dust
a little bit of car rust
eggplant parmesan
a little hit of your water bong
Naturally occurring ingredients
Totally naturally occurring ingredients
From our earth
So you wanna magic pill
Make it all go away
No troubles or regrets
Life’s one happy accident
To be the coolest of the cool
That nothing will faze
Well I got this new potion
And it’s on sale today
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8. |
Ghost Story
01:31
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|
There's something empowering
Bout entering your forties
And becoming invisible
(In society)
After the funeral
Of your youth
Gets out
Of your
System
And hey
My girlfriend's
Maybe we could
Rob a bank
Cause they might not
Notice it
The cameras won't
Pick-up our images
The police
Will walk on by
You won't be able to hear
Our sensible footwear
As we walkout of the vault
With our billions
Yeah
There's something empowering
Bout entering your 40s
And breaking all the rules
Who needs to rhyme?
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9. |
Ghoulish
02:30
|
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I wanna be ghoulish
wanna spit tacks
wanna remind everyone
bout those emperors
killed by their servants
I wanna be hopeful
but I feel so grey
and sleeps not coming tonight
anyway
got a boy at home
he's 12 years old
in 6 years he's 18
and I've told him
no matter what
don't join the army
I wanna be ghoulish
wanna spit tacks
wanna remind everyone
bout those emperors
killed by their servants
I wanna be hopeful
but I feel so grey
and sleeps not coming tonight
anyway...
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10. |
Nothing More Dangerous
01:21
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There's nothing more dangerous
Than a white woman's tears
And although I am one
I fear
There's something so troubling
Bout a saviour complex
As if you're the best
Well I can assure you
You're not
And social media
Is both a blessing and a curse
It highlights the best
And the worst
In us
So when you're in Central Park
And your dog is offleash
Perhaps don't notify
The authorities
On someone
You disagree
With
No no no no...
Cause
There's nothing more dangerous
Than a white woman's tears
And although I am one
I fear
There's something so troubling
Bout a savious complex
As if you're the best
Well I can assure you
You're not
We're not
I'm not
You're not
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11. |
I Hope You're Right
02:17
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|
I’ve recently developed a phobia
Of men with hockey haircuts
Sporting Canadian flags
On pickup trucks
How about you?
I’ve tried my best
To not get too anxious
Bout my yoga moms
Hangin’ with white supremacists
How about you?
And if you think I’m over reacting
By god I hope you’re right
Cause I
can’t sleep
tonight
Now schools are closing
Not cause of Covid
But convoys
And grownups are yellin’
Fake news
at the cameras
And converts
To coups
Are weaponizing
words
Like freedom
Peace
and Save our Children
And if you think I’m overreacting
My god I hope you’re right
Cause I
can’t sleep
Tonight
No I
can’t sleep
tonight
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12. |
Widow Window
02:15
|
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Widow Window
lived on Willow
with a wildish wombat
Neighbour Nelly
nestled nicely
next door
Bachelor Brian
lived beside 'em
bickering with birds
But the bird
bickered
more
Caw! Caw! Caw!
Tweet! Tweet! Tweet!
You're not the boss
Of this street
said the murder of Crows
the gaggle of Geese
and the dive-bombing
Chickadees
and the widow
watched the world
on her street
while neighbour Nelly
napped
due to narcolepsy
and Brian bit the bullet
and bought bird seed
and the wombat whistled
waywardly...
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13. |
I'll Go Down On You
01:47
|
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|
I'll go down on you
If you'll go down on me
I'll share all my secrets
If you'll share yours with me
I'm feelin' a little raw
But I'm not one to fake
I'm prone to admit
When I've made a mistake
Can you go a little little
To the left
No I mean
To the right
Clockwise
I mean counter
I'm almost there
I'll be so much better
Then we can talk about
Politics
The weather
I'll be
Less anxious
I'm THERE......
oh boy...
oh yeah...
Now it's you're turn
And yeah
I remember
Our pact
But first
I'd like
To take
a nap
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14. |
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|
I usually hide
when it's time to say goodbye
but not this time
I must confess
cowardice
is
how I toe the line
But something in me's cracked
and I'm not holding back
Goodbye you beautiful f*ckers
Bye bye
Goodbye you gorgeous Goofballs
Ya piano playin' pervs
And those lyricists who wrote
All those brilliant goddamn words
And those pickers and grinners
I wanna give you a hug
And you experimental weirdos
I wanna score some of your drugs...
(Experimental Weirdo Wurlitzer Solo)
What I'm tryin' to say
In my profanity laced way
is..
I'm gonna miss
you
f*ckers
a lot
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Calamity Royale Toronto, Ontario
Calamity Royale is a side project of musician Cassandra Rutherford.
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